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thursday, november 26, 1998, 01:33 i've been bad. i just can't seem to motivate myself. and i have oh so much work to do. and what am i doing? i'm sitting on my butt writing random babble in hopes that all of my problems and all of my concerns about life will magically fix themselves if i just stare at this screen long enough. if only i could write my problems away i'd be all set. and my computer still makes too much noise. and i just bought myself a new computer (a mac, so all those pcheads can just run in fear now) and my desk is too small and these problems really don't seem like problems but are instead just things that i want to complain about because i can. the day was spent in the theatre hanging lights for a show for which all the lights have to be done by sunday. and i'm going home tomorrow. and while it'll be nice to see the family and all that, three hours home, twenty hours home and three hours back seems mildly silly. i hope i can get some work done. or rather, i need to get some work done. things are just getting ridiculous now and if i don't get cracking i really think that i'm going to break. and yet, that seems like very little motivation for me right now. what was i doing all day today, while in the theatre doing lights for a show which i haven't really seen yet? what else? i was worrying about girls. and me. and why i'm such a goober. and what i want out of life. which is really a big leap to make. girls to life, but when you get down to it, or at least, when i get down to it, i realize that i'm often the most happy when there's someone sitting behind me stroking my hair. it's even better if this person cares a lot about me and knows what i'm thinking and knows what i need. but this happens less than often. so i take what i can get. *slam* a car door just slammed in the parking lot that i see out the window of my study. it's two in the morning on wednesday. i wonder what those people were doing out so late. out at the 24 hour grocery store buying stuffing for tomorrow's festivities? so many people around. and i know so few of them.
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