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sunday, november 15, 1998, 06:21 given the option of being naked at a party and not being naked at a party, i opted for option three, not being at the party. the scene. walking around tonight, i find myself walking down the street with two people. one, my roommate. one, his friend. and i find myself walking down the street in the direction of a party. a party where the gimic is not a large pool of jello or anything of the sort, but rather one where everyone is naked. unclothed. but the trick is that nobody is supposed to care. and it's supposed to be this big thing. and i was supposed to feel bad that this was my last chance in four years at this school and i was thinking about not attending. because it's "one of those things." that you're supposed to do. just to do. and i think to myself that parties are bad enough for me. gut-wrenching experiences where i feel badly enough about myself as it is without the knowledge that despite the fact that nobody else is wearing any clothes, the fact would have remained that i would have been unclothed. and at this point in my life i don't think i'm comfortable enough with myself or my surroundings to let my guard down like that. and i stumble back to my apartment and sit down in front of the computer all sad-like because i can't get over myself enough to take part in this experiment/fun thing and because, well, like most saturday night, i end up alone not doing whatever it is i could be doing with other people. and then i fall asleep. and when i wake up hours later, i'm okay with everything. okay with my choices, okay with my cats tearing across the kitchen floor and okay with the sky brightening up for a new day. yeah. alright.
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