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friday, november 6, 1998, 04:54 when i was in high school and i would fall asleep doing my homework, my mother would always wake up in the middle of the night, get out of bed, come into my room, wake me up and put me to bed. always with that look that told me that i really should be on the ball enough to not fall asleep doing my work and that i should be able to put myself to bed on my own. i was sitting in my room doing my homework when waves of sleep started taking over and i felt my eyelids growing heavy and i could feel the world collapsing in on myself. and i realized then that my mother wasn't around to find me sitting here, fully clothed, asleep on top of my bed with the music playing and the lights still on. it makes me feel so old sometimes, sitting here, living my own life. knowing that i'm only going to be home for a day for thanksgiving. that i'm only going to see half of my extended family on this trip home. that i'm going to have to wait until christmas to see them all again. that i'm growing up and i sometimes think that it'd be nice for me to be a kid all over again. and then i realize just how much more time i have left and how much fun it's going to be to go out and live my own life and make my own mistakes and build my own world. and i realize just how good i've had it up until now. and all of this realization stemming from me not being able to stay awake enough to finish my homework. craziness.
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