|
wednesday, august 26, 1998, 03:00 i'm a neat freak, though i never really realized this until i was placed in an environment which wasn't completely cleaned and dusted and all in order all the time. that is, until i got to my apartment. i never realized what a hard time i have when everything isn't just so. and i never realized that if you have a cat then you have to forget about any sort of dream of having a spotless house. now i love this cat, and though i'm not really a cat person, and while i don't think i'm really writing about cats here though i've never really written about cats before and it seems like everyone else on the web already has so it's about time i jumped on bandwagon, i think that the litter box is one of the more disgusting things i've ever had in my house. not only does this thing stink, but it constantly has to be emptied out because this cat eats more and shits more than i've ever seen any animal do before. ever. of course she is pregnant. but what kind of excuse is that? we now have flies and other creepy crawlies, and there seems to be some kind of insect bouncing around somewhere around here that is making a mean of my arm. i'm going to wake up tomorrow morning to find that the entirely of my body is going to be covered in insect bites and i'm not going to be able to open my eyes for the swelling will be so bad. or at least that's what i'm figuring seeing what's happening to my arm. i hate the summer. i don't think i've quite made that adequetly clear. because in the summer, even when you're clean, or at least, when you think that you're clean, you're really not, because you're sweating and doing all sorts of other disgusting things that your body does because it's eighty degrees outside with ninety percent humidity. what's that all about? and now it's raining and i figure that this won't even break the heat and will instead just let all of the rainwater hang out in the air for a bit, just waiting for the least opportunity to cling to my body in this awful film that just doesn't seem to want to rinse away, not with soap, water, or anything else i could imagine throwing at it. it's part of the air now, so i'm pretty much stuck with it. voices in the other room drift in between typing of keys over the steady fall of rain, peaceful on the neighbor's lawn and deck, cleaning everything off and starting over again. a cough. a sniffle. i'm not the only one awake in this house right now, but i'm still all alone. i'm still scared of the future but throwing myself so into the present that it seems almost silly to worry about things that aren't now. run my hand through my hair, the sweat and oil coating my hand, dried from trying to keep clean, trying to wash the world out of my skin and i can only think of going out and running through the rain. finally the cool breeze comes in to greet me at the window and tells me to go to sleep. once i wake, everything will be clean and new. ahhh, wind chimes.
| mon |