another kind of me

friday, may 29, 1998, 18:16 i sit here, hand shaking, mind racing. not exactly sure what caused it or how i'm going to make it go away. just very distracting trying to think and write and not being able to because there are too many other thoughts cluttering up my head in there. been having trouble sleeping. mom came into my room last night and woke me up. i had fallen asleep with all the lights on again on top of my bed, dressed. she tells me that i used to have trouble sleeping, that the babysitter had to sit at the top of the stairs until i fell asleep. that i used to have nightmares. i don't have as many of those bad dreams now, but perhaps they're still creeping in there, preventing me from sleeping for fear of another one of those dreams popping up to the surface and scaring the bejezus out of me. or maybe it's because the room that i'm in isn't really my room any more. i mean, it is, but i'm still just living out of my duffel bag and the big pile of clothes on my chair. [...] my parents and sister just got home. we're going out to dinner. doing the family thing. it's so weird, remember that there's still a life going on back here. when i'm not around. up one | mail | sun | mon | tue | thu