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wednesday, february 4, 1998, 03:42 A strangely good day, that just continues on. A good day, if I forget the bad parts. A good day if I merely take it as a day on its own and not a day in a life. [10:49 -- i think too much... it was a good day just on its own... yeah] But really. Waking up this morning to a phone call for a roommate who barely lives here anyway, I felt strangely alive. Instead of hobbling back to bed, my eyes still filled with sleep, my mouth still filled with that stale rubber taste of my mouthguard, I instead sat in my chair in front of my computer, alert, and ready to attack the day. Noticing that my highschool friend, and oh how long ago that was, was logged in, i found him and proceeded to fill the next hour of my life with fixing up his machine, remotely, away, over a dialup on his end. Exciting, in that dork sort of way. And then on to ice skating, which was also quite enjoyable. Exercising, moving, seeing, watching. Nobody really worth watching today on the ice, I resigned myself to keeping up to date rankings of the people on the ice, who is better than whom, and so on and so forth. Past that, some theatre, some talking to friends, some school work, meeting, and more school. This now is merely a break from the rest of the work I have to do. Hamlet. Probably not going to get read tonight. Not all at least. Will be difficult, put must get done at some point. The cold air is coming in through my open window, though not enough. I want a breeze, I want to be reminded of the fact that we are right in the dead of winter, not in the middle of a warm autumn. And yet today was unususally warm, and the nights are warm, and there is nothing in the world to even hint at the fact that it's thinking about snowing sometime soon. The world is a crazy place. And now i sit, under the glare of my desk lamp hovering inches in front of my face, with Passion playing in the background, wired on too too many milk chocolate covered coffee beans, so good, and yet, so bad, not really knowing what to do with myself. I have taken to changing my surroundings. Tired of where I am at the moment, I plan my life around places other than here that I could be. And then I realize that I overschedule my life and that I have to now be in too many places at once. Too many for me. Too many for one person.
I keep myself busy to fill a void. I need something to fill this void, but really, I don't even know what it is that I'm looking for. It is my hope that by trying new things in my life, by not falling into the trap of the same room with the same people with the same toys all the time that I will find something out there that will fill whatever it is that needs filling. One can only hope.
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